(15) Reparations are not charity and can be cashed

People harm others, whether intentionally or by accident; this is sadly a fact of life, since we are all meat controlled by billions of electrical impulses and neurons.

Some may say that if someone hurts you, then you should never accept help from them. This may be from pride (I don't need your help) or from a protection of boundaries (You don't owe me, and you don't get access to me), or it may be for other reasons.

I personally think that reparations are due for harm caused. Reparations can be a form of restorative justice, by way of attempting to make up for the harm caused. Reparations can be made through action ("I did this thing that hurt you; I will do this to repair our relationship, and from now on will do a different thing instead"). They can also be made out in cash ("I'm cashing that cheque—ka-ching!—you hurt me badly).

Perhaps people think that accepting help from those who hurt us is a sign of weakness or is allowing people continued access to us and therefore enabling them to continue hurting us. I don't think accepting reparations requires you to accept continued access; you can decide the terms going forward. I think accepting reparations simply allows the other party to try and make up for what they did wrong. In a way, it is [contributes to:: an expression of vulnerability] because you are owning up to the fact that you have caused harm and you are seeking to make up for it. I don't think it means you're saying "You've bought me out; you can keep hurting me." I think it means "The least you can do after hurting me is to make up for it."

If you are the person who has caused harm—inadvertently or not, it doesn't matter; impact over intent—shouldn't you want to seek amends? (Because [supports:: (1A3) We act out our identity], and do we not want to be 'good' people?)

For this reason, I laughed and agreed when a clinical psychologist very seriously suggested I send my therapy bill to my parents.