Skills for Intimacy
The skills for intimacy come from Laura Doyle who writes on creating joyful heterosexual marriages—even when on the brink of divorce.
The skills she espouses receive flak from critics who argue that her work is exclusionary, anti-feminist and seeks to uphold oppressive gender norms. I feel that these critiques fail to look past her wording (which does feel dated and 'traditional'). Also, I do not think it is exclusionary to say "I am speaking to this specific group of people because that is what my experience speaks to".
(As far as I have read/listened to, she's not purposely excluding people or saying other people are wrong/bad for not fitting the mold of a heterosexual marriage, that just happens to be her wheelhouse—anyway, if anyone is interested, she has a lovely podcast where she interviews women from diverse backgrounds about their marriages).
I think people get mad at the words respect and control. I instead reframe it as autonomy, agency and confidence in your partner's ability. These are things I want my husband to have and would like him to want for me.
Sidebar: From a Diversity, Equity and Inclusion perspective, it is not wrong to recognise that AFAB and AMAB people have different cultural norms. The reality is that AFAB and AMAB people have been socialised differently from a young age and this has an impact on how they see the world and how they interact within it.
Cultural differences are not inherently bad. If one culture greets their grandparents with a kiss on the cheek, another with hongi and another by pressing back of their hand to their forehead (mano po), well, none of those are wrong. They are simply different, but the rationale behind all of them is to create closeness. There are definitely cultural norms that should be eradicated because they are harmful (e.g. I'm a Filipino who is vehemently against circumcision of minors). But many times navigating cultural differences is more about openness of mind and a willingness to accept that your way isn't the only way.
Anyway, this is a rant... I need to break this down into cuttings / zettels lol. I have a lot of thoughts about Doyle's books
Oh, yeah, the book is Doyle (2015) First, Kill All Marriage Counsellors but she's done newer versions of this book, and I'm also working through them (a happy marriage is one of my top priorities lol)
Replenish your spirit with self-care
(2A1B2) Care For Yourself
Goddess of fun and light
Restore Respect
(2A2) Respect Your Husband
(2A1A) Tell Your Husband What You Want
Relinquish control of your man
Receive, receive, receive
Reveal your heart with vulnerability
(2A1A1A) Show Vulnerability In A Relationship